Number 06

6x6" mixed media (encaustic, paper, thread, vintage Letraset rub on arrows, oil sticks) on reclaimed drywall

Theme

Feeling small, minimized. Being blamed for something that isn’t your fault. Feeling burdened, but knowing that “one of these days I’m gonna be free.”

The Interview

She is a mother and grandmother: four biological children, three step kids, and over the years there were about 12 foster kids in and out of their home. The last one, a newborn baby boy, they adopted when she was 46 years old. They knew he had some sort of developmental disabilities early on, and by his teen years, he had been diagnosed with: mental illness and “development delays”, autism, oppositional defiance disorder, and pervasive developmental delays of non-specific origin (PADDNOS).

She went through a divorce after the COVID pandemic, and Dad didn’t want any responsibility. She ended up the sole caretaker of their son. At the age of 15, he was physically an adult yet emotionally about the age of 6. He was becoming increasingly violent.

Describing his behavior and their relationship, she said “it’s really good or really bad, there is no in-between.”

She talked about the overall lack of help for parents with children who have disabilities and are violent. She said that “the system failed” in part because he was well behaved at school. At home, the switch would flip and he would quickly become violent. "They taught me redirection skills," but it wasn't enough to stop the violence. Because the issues were happening at home and not at school, she took the blame. “I went to DSS (Department of Social Services) 4 times…I’ve called the police 100 times." She opened her phone and pulled up a picture, a selfie, which showed an egg-sized bruise on her forehead. When law enforcement responded, she was asked what she did to upset him. There were fist-sized holes in the walls of her apartment. "They cared more about damage to the apartment than damage to me.” She felt small and insignificant.

She knew he didn’t want to hurt her, but he had no self control. At one point, her son said, “Someone make it so I don’t hurt my mom anymore.” He was so much bigger and stronger than her, she feared for her life. He had been taken to the hospital for an overnight stay in the mental health ward before, but this time, she wouldn’t let him come back home. She said “No.” Refusing to let him back into the home seemed like the only option. “I have the right to live in my home without being beat up on.”

But, a parent refusing to house and care for their child is considered neglect. “I am being charged with abandonment and neglect because I refuse to let the only person who commits domestic violence against me back into my house.” With tear filled eyes, she explained again that she loves him and wants him to be ok, she just isn't safe living with him. As someone who has spent their life raising children, the neglect and abandonment charges are hard, but they don't directly alter her life in any way. She has faced a lot of criticism from friends and family for her actions. She stated clearly that she knew the truth of the situation and ultimately needed to keep herself safe, regardless of what other people think.

She's been bearing a heavy emotional burden for a long time, and she believes that someday that will lift and she will feel free. With a smile on her face, she said maybe someday she will get a tattoo of a bird flying out of a cage.

Artist Notes

Her story included so many strong visual images, I chose to take a more literal approach to this artwork instead of relying on abstraction. I love the metaphor of a bird flying out of a cage to describe how she believes she will feel at a future time. I used a small piece of broken drywall (reclaimed from a home remodel) as the foundation for this work to reference the broken drywall in her story and the feeling of being "small". Arrows point to the figure as "pointing the finger" to place blame.