Number 05

48x60" mixed media on canvas

Theme

Feeling isolated and “not myself”. Coming back to supportive friends and feeling their warm embrace; finally feeling like yourself again.

The Interview

“I can open up about a lot, but this one is hard…I still want to protect her.”

They were together for about 7 years. The beginning was so good. It was a same gender relationship and they were happy to be out in the open, confidently in love. She moved in and helped co-parent her partner’s kids.

Physical abuse is more obvious, emotional abuse can be harder to see. She admits being a bit embarrassed because she could easily spot emotional abuse in other people’s lives and knew all the textbook indicators, but when it was happening to her, she didn’t see it.

The first few years were good. Then at some point, the accusations started. She was accused of having feelings for, or romantic relationships with, her friends and co-workers. It simply wasn’t true. She was being completely faithful to her partner. No matter what she said, her parter would not believe her. The accusations were incessant, unending. She thought that maybe, if she agreed with her partner and let her be right and apologized, they could move on and be at peace. She gave a false confession and admitted to something she didn’t do.

Her partner continued to question her relationships and scrutinize her. She never made direct rules or forced anything, but made constant suggestions and manipulative observations. Like, “I don’t think those people are good for you, I don’t think you should be around them.” “I don’t think that your job is a good fit you. Don’t you think you would be better off at a different job?” The comments were relentless, and she eventually took the “advice”. Slowly, she stopped talking to her friends. She quit the job that she loved and took a job that she hated. She gave up all her close relationships and meaningful work to make her partner happy…. “I’m doing all I can, it’s never enough.”

She felt like “a shell of a person.” “I don’t know who I am anymore.” She felt the need to be prepared, and secretly kept an emergency bag in the car in case her partner kicked her out. She wanted some relief from the emotional anguish and struggled with the idea of self harming.

Eventually, her partner did end the relationship and kicked her out of the house. The kids blamed her for breaking up the family. They all believe the lies her partner told, the lies she went along with in an attempt to keep the peace.

When she called her parents, they understood, and the door was open for her to move back home. They’d had red flags about her partner for years! She was shocked. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?…I probably wouldn’t have listened anyway.”

It was time to re-connect with the friends that she had left behind. And it was time to see if she could get re-hired at the company she had loved working for. She had ended a few relationships abruptly, via email, and now she wanted to make amends. She was nervous and “so embarrassed”. She thought “Everyone is gonna hate me.”

The opposite was true. “I walked into the room, and they hugged me…It was a wonderful homecoming.”